Quiet the Inner Critic
Plano & Frisco Self-Esteem Therapy
Move beyond people pleasing, perfectionism, and impostor syndrome.
Request a Free 15-Minute Consultation
* By clicking Submit, you permit us to contact you by email, phone, or text. Don’t worry – we won’t send you junk. It’s just to schedule a consultation and see if we can help you!
Sage Finch Counseling
Build Confidence and Self Worth
We can help with a variety of challenges, including:
People Pleasing
You may find yourself saying yes when you wish you could say no, trying to avoid conflict to win approval, at your own expense.
Perfectionism
You may hold yourself to impossible standards and feel intense negative feelings when you fall short.
Imposter Syndrome
Despite accomplishing a lot, you may still feel like a fraud who is on the verge of being exposed. Deep down, you don’t believe you’ve earned your success.
Harsh Inner Critic
Your internal voice is relentlessly negative and quick to self-criticism. Therapy can build a softer, more compassionate narrative.
Fear of Rejection
You may avoid being your authentic, more vulnerable self for fear that others will judge (or reject) you if they see the “real” you.
Low Confidence
It can be difficult to speak up, trust your instincts, or make decisions if you struggle with low self-confidence.
Difficulty With Boundaries
Knowing What you Want
Low self-esteem can make it hard to know who you are or what you want. Therapy can help you discover and reconnect with your authentic self.
Lack of Assertiveness
It might be difficult to express your wants, needs, desired if you’re trying to protect someone else from negative feelings.
RECOGNIZE THE PATTERNS
What Low Self-Esteem Really Looks Like
You’re not broken. You’re stuck in patterns that once protected you.
You’re Not Broken – You’re Stuck in Old Patterns
Low self-esteem isn’t just feeling bad about yourself. It shows up in the everyday decisions you make, the opportunities you don’t take, and the relationships where you lose yourself.
Maybe you recognize yourself in some of these patterns:
You say yes when you mean no. Whether it’s taking on extra work, agreeing to plans you don’t want, or going along with something that doesn’t feel right — you’ve learned to prioritize everyone else’s comfort over your own needs.
You overthink decisions. From what to order at a restaurant to major life choices, you second-guess yourself constantly. You’re terrified of making the “wrong” choice, so sometimes you don’t choose at all.
You feel exhausted from managing everyone else’s emotions. You’ve become hyperaware of other people’s moods and reactions. You adjust yourself to keep the peace, smooth things over, or prevent conflict — even when it costs you your own peace of mind.
You avoid difficult conversations. Whether it’s asking for what you need, setting a boundary, or addressing something that’s bothering you, you stay quiet. It feels safer to say nothing than risk being seen as demanding, difficult, or “too much.”
You don’t feel good enough — no matter what you accomplish. You check all the boxes, hit the goals, do the things. But instead of feeling proud, you feel like a fraud. You’re waiting for someone to realize you don’t actually deserve your success.
You compare yourself to others. Social media, coworkers, friends — everywhere you look, someone seems to be doing it better. And instead of celebrating them, you feel small, inadequate, or behind.
They’re coping strategies you developed to protect yourself and for a while, they probably worked well, but now they are keeping you stuck.
The good news? These patterns can change.
THE PATH FORWARD
How Therapy Can Help
Real change comes from understanding where these patterns started and learning new ways to show up for yourself.
Assertiveness Training
Do you find it difficult to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a confident and effective manner? Maybe you prioritize the feelings of others over yourself? Or, you can’t say what you really think, want, or need because the other person might be hurt?
If so, you may benefit from assertiveness training. You’ll learn to express your opinions and feelings as well as how to give and receive feedback, without taking on the burden of someone else’s reaction. You can learn to be true to yourself.
Assertiveness skills can help you in both your personal and professional life. Are you ready to feel more confident in your interpersonal interactions?
RECOGNIZE THE PATTERNS
What Low Self-Esteem Really Looks Like
You’re not broken. You’re stuck in patterns that once protected you.
You’re Not Broken – You’re Stuck in Old Patterns
Low self-esteem isn’t just feeling bad about yourself. It shows up in the everyday decisions you make, the opportunities you don’t take, and the relationships where you lose yourself.
Maybe you recognize yourself in some of these patterns:
You say yes when you mean no. Whether it’s taking on extra work, agreeing to plans you don’t want, or going along with something that doesn’t feel right — you’ve learned to prioritize everyone else’s comfort over your own needs.
You overthink decisions. From what to order at a restaurant to major life choices, you second-guess yourself constantly. You’re terrified of making the “wrong” choice, so sometimes you don’t choose at all.
You feel exhausted from managing everyone else’s emotions. You’ve become hyperaware of other people’s moods and reactions. You adjust yourself to keep the peace, smooth things over, or prevent conflict — even when it costs you your own peace of mind.
You avoid difficult conversations. Whether it’s asking for what you need, setting a boundary, or addressing something that’s bothering you, you stay quiet. It feels safer to say nothing than risk being seen as demanding, difficult, or “too much.”
You don’t feel good enough — no matter what you accomplish. You check all the boxes, hit the goals, do the things. But instead of feeling proud, you feel like a fraud. You’re waiting for someone to realize you don’t actually deserve your success.
You compare yourself to others. Social media, coworkers, friends — everywhere you look, someone seems to be doing it better. And instead of celebrating them, you feel small, inadequate, or behind.
They’re coping strategies you developed to protect yourself and for a while, they probably worked well, but now they are keeping you stuck.
The good news? These patterns can change.
Learning to Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries is about communicating our needs and limits to others and establishing a clear framework about how we expect to be treated. For a lot of people, this is much easier said than done!
Setting boundaries seems especially difficult for women and AFAB people, who were socially conditioned to smile, get along with others, not rock the boat, and always be agreeable. However, it can be difficult for anyone who lacks the agency to establish and maintain boundaries.
If setting boundaries wasn’t modeled for you, you must purposefully learn this skill. It’s hard and feels scary, but it can result in the following:
- Improved relationships
- More positive and respectful interactions
- Greater sense of trust and mutual understanding
- Increased self-respect
- Reduced stress and anxiety
- Time and energy for self-care
- Improved communication
Learning to set boundaries is an essential skill for building healthy relationships, reducing stress, and promoting well-being. It’s also essential for overcoming codependency.
Overcoming People Pleasing
Do you say yes when you really want to say no? Do you take on responsibilities that aren’t yours because you’re worried about letting someone down? Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that other people’s needs are more important than your own, or that saying no makes you selfish. Or do you do what you think others want to spare them from negative feelings?
People-pleasing often develops as a survival strategy. Maybe you learned early on that keeping others happy kept you safe, loved, or accepted. But now, it’s costing you in a significant way.
In therapy, we’ll explore where this pattern came from and how it shows up in your relationships today. We’ll work on tolerating the discomfort of disappointing others and practice prioritizing your own needs. I know this sounds incredibly intimidating right now (or maybe even impossible), but it’s a skill you can learn and practice. I’ll help you.
Are you ready to stop sacrificing yourself to keep the peace?
Reducing Perfectionism
Do you hold yourself to impossibly high standards? Does anything less than perfect feel like failure? Maybe you procrastinate because if you can’t do something perfectly, it feels safer not to start at all. Or maybe you overwork yourself, constantly striving for an ideal that always feels just out of reach.
Perfectionism isn’t about having high standards — it’s about fear. Fear of judgment, failure, or being seen as inadequate. It’s the belief that your worth depends on what you produce or achieve, and that any mistake will expose you as fundamentally flawed.
Perfectionism can be exhausting. It keeps you stuck in all-or-nothing thinking, where everything is either perfect or a disaster. It robs you of the satisfaction of your accomplishments because nothing ever feels good enough.
In therapy, we’ll work to loosen perfectionism’s grip. You’ll learn to identify the thoughts and beliefs that fuel it, challenge the idea that your worth is tied to your performance, and build tolerance for imperfection. We’ll also explore what you’re really afraid of — and what might become possible if you let go of the need to be perfect.
Your Next Step
Let’s Work Together
Get to know me and check out our Plano office before you take the next step.
Ellery Wren, LPC Associate
Supervised by Balenda Gale Hartschuh, LMFT-S, LPC-S
You don’t need to have it all figured out. Therapy is a space to explore your experiences, discover (or rediscover) parts of yourself, identify patterns, and slowly make changes so you can live more authentically, confidently, and comfortably.
Whether you need help setting bounaries, finding your voice, figuring out what you want, quieting the inner-critic, overcoming imposter syndrome, or becoming more assertive, I’m here to walk with you. It’s okay if you don’t know where to start – I do.
My approach combines a variety of evidence-based therapeutic modalities to help you look inside yourself to figure out what you think, want, need, and slowly start to make small changes that lead to bigger changes and a more fulfilling life.
LGBTQ+ & Neurodivergence
I especially enjoy working with LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent folks who’ve spent years trying to fit into spaces that weren’t built for them. If that’s you, I understand what it’s like to feel like you’re “too much” or “not enough” — and I’m here to help you stop apologizing for who you are.
The Plano Office
Take a look at the waiting room, and therapy office, so it looks familiar when you arrive!
YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
Self Esteem FAQs
Honest answers to the questions you’re actually wondering about.
Is self-esteem therapy mostly about positive thinking?
Contrary to popular belief, self-esteem therapy is not just about positive thinking. Self-esteem therapy is not about gaslighting yourself to a happier and better life – it goes deeper.
In therapy, we’ll explore the roots of your self-worth struggles, which are often shaped by early experiences, relationships, or trauma. We’ll also explore how it shows up in your life and what you would like to change (even if that feels impossible right now).
Therapy can help you build a more compassionate and realistic self-image, but it takes time.
How long does self-esteem therapy take?
There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline. Some people feel a shift after just a few sessions and that’s all they need. Others choose longer-term work to unlearn deeply ingrained patterns. We’ll proceed at a pace that feels comfortable and sustainable for you.
I've been this way my whole life. Can my self-esteem really change?
Yes! It really can.
If you’ve struggled with low self-esteem for as long as you can remember, it makes sense that change seems impossible. Maybe you’ve internalized the belief that this is just who you are.
But low self-worth isn’t a personality trait. It’s often something you learned — a protective pattern shaped by your early environment, relationships, or experiences. Maybe you grew up around criticism, chaos, emotional neglect, or impossible standards. Maybe you were in a toxic relationship and over time, began to view yourself through the lens of a narcissistic, abusive, or emotionally immature partner. Your brain may have adapted by turning inward and trying to be better and do better, but without apparent success.
The good news is that what’s learned can be unlearned.
Self-esteem doesn’t improve overnight, and it’s not about suddenly becoming confident. It’s more like building a relationship with yourself — one that’s based on respect and compassion.
In therapy, we work to soften your harsh inner voice, untangle old beliefs, and help you begin to trust that you’re allowed to exist — just as you are — without constantly earning your right to take up space.
What's the difference between self-esteem and confidence?
Great question! They’re related but not quite the same.
Self-esteem is your overall sense of worth and value as a person. It’s how you feel about yourself deep down — whether you believe you’re worthy of love, respect, and belonging just as you are.
Confidence is more situational. It’s the belief that you can handle a specific task or challenge. You might feel confident in your professional abilities but still struggle with self-esteem in your personal relationships.
In therapy, we work on both. Building authentic confidence often happens naturally as your self-esteem improves — because you start trusting yourself more and worrying less about what others think.
Is this mostly for people with a trauma background?
No, you don’t need to have experienced capital-T Trauma to struggle with self-esteem or to benefit from therapy.
Sometimes low self-esteem comes from experiences that might not seem “traumatic” to others — like growing up with emotionally unavailable parents, being bullied as a kid, or internalizing cultural messages about your worth. These experiences still matter, and they’re still worth exploring.
You don’t need to justify your struggles or compare them to anyone else’s. If low self-esteem is impacting your life, that’s reason enough to seek support.
What if I've tried therapy before and it didn't help?
There are a lot of reasons therapy might not have felt helpful before. Maybe the therapist wasn’t the right fit. Maybe the approach they used didn’t resonate with you. Maybe the timing wasn’t right, or you weren’t ready to do the work yet.
Therapy is highly dependent on the relationship between you and your therapist. If that connection isn’t there, or if the approach doesn’t match your needs, it can feel like spinning your wheels.
I encourage you to try again — but this time, be intentional about finding a therapist whose style, approach, and areas of expertise align with what you’re looking for. And give yourself permission to speak up if something isn’t working. Also, bring the hard stuff to therapy – the stuff you don’t really want to talk about (maybe not at first, but once you feel comfortable).
What if my partner/family member is the problem, not me?
It’s true that sometimes the people around us contribute to our struggles. Maybe you have a critical family member, a partner who dismisses your feelings, or a work environment that undermines your confidence.
But here’s the thing: even if other people are part of the problem, you still have control over how you respond. Therapy can help you set boundaries, communicate more effectively, and protect your self-worth even when others aren’t supportive.
We might also explore whether the relationships in your life are healthy and how things might be able to change. Sometimes building self-esteem means recognizing when a relationship is toxic and making hard decisions about what needs to change.
Can I work on self-esteem without addressing other issues (like anxiety or depression)?
Self-esteem is often intertwined with other mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, or past trauma. It’s hard to separate them completely because they all influence each other.
For example, anxiety can make you second-guess yourself constantly, which erodes your self-esteem. Low self-esteem can fuel depression because you start believing you’re not worthy of feeling better.
In therapy, we’ll address the issues that are most pressing for you, and we’ll work on them in a way that makes sense. You don’t have to “fix” your anxiety before working on self-esteem — we can work on both at the same time.
Do you give homework?
Sometimes, yes — but only if it’s helpful (and you want homework because some don’t).
Therapy isn’t just about what happens in the session. Real change happens when you start applying what you’re learning to your everyday life.
Homework might include things like:
- Practicing assertiveness skills in a low-stakes conversation
- Journaling about your inner critic
- Trying a boundary-setting technique with a friend or coworker
- Noticing when you’re people-pleasing and exploring what you actually want
Homework is always optional, and we’ll talk about what feels manageable for you. The goal isn’t to overwhelm you — it’s to help you build new skills gradually.
What if I'm not good at talking about my feelings?
That’s okay. Not everyone is naturally comfortable talking about emotions, and that doesn’t mean therapy won’t work for you.
Part of what we’ll work on together is building your emotional vocabulary and learning to identify and express what you’re feeling. It’s a skill, and like any skill, it gets easier with practice.
I’m not going to pressure you to share things you’re not ready to talk about. We’ll move at your pace, and I’ll help you find ways to communicate that feel less overwhelming.
COLLIN COUNTY TEXAS
Take the First Step
Plano TX self-esteem therapy: your safe space for healing and growth.
We see clients in-person and online from our Plano, Texas office (located just south of Frisco). Most of our clients come from Collin County and surrounding North Texas areas:
|
|
Request a Free 15-Minute Consultation
* By clicking Submit, you permit us to contact you by email, phone, or text. Don’t worry – we won’t send you junk. It’s just to schedule a consultation and see if we can help you!