A brief overview of
Living Apart Together
Living Apart Together (LAT) can be a great option for partners looking for a deep relationship without giving up the independence and autonomy of living alone.
A closer Look
LAT Definition
Separate Residences
LAT partners maintain separate residences but may live close to each other.
Intimacy & Space
Emotional and/or physical intimacy while maintaining independence.
Flexibility
The benefits of a relationship while keeping independence and autonomy.
Challenges Norms
LAT relationships challenge conventional norms of marriage and cohabitation.
Beyond the Label
Global Perspective
%
Europe: Approximately 10-15% of adults are in LAT relationships
%
United States: Around 7% of adults report being in a LAT relationship.
%
Australia: About 9% of adults are estimated to be in LAT relationships.
Data Sources: Eurostat, The National Association of Marriage and Family Research (NAMFR), and the Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS).
A closer Look at the
Age Distribution
LAT partners tend to be on the younger and older ends of the age spectrum.
Younger Adults
LAT is common among those aged 18-29, often due to career or educational commitments.
Middle Aged Adults
LAT relationships are less common but still present among those balancing family responsibilities and personal space needs.
Older Adults
Lat is also prevalent among those aged 60+, who may prefer maintaining independence.
A look into the past
Marital Status
Partners in a Living Together Apart relationship have a variety of relationship backgrounds.
Previously Married
Many LAT couples include individuals who have been married or divorced.
Never Married
A significant portion of LAT individuals have never cohabited or married.
Remarriage
LAT is sometimes chosen by those who have been married and divorced multiple times.
LAT partners have varying levels of
Relationship Satisfaction
Like more traditional relationship structures, couples and partners who are together but living apart have varying levels of relationship satisfaction.
Comparable Satisfaction
LAT partners report similar levels of satisfaction as cohabiting or married partners.
Autonomy
Personal space and independence are key factors in maintaining relationship satisfaction.
Emotional Closeness
Despite physical distance, LAT couples often report strong emotional bonds.
A closer Look
Motivation to Be Together Apart
Personal Independence
Many value maintaining their own space and autonomy.
Career & Enducation
Job demands and educational pursuits often necessitate living in different locations.
Previous Negative Experiences
Avoiding past negative outcomes from cohabitation or marriage.
Changing Norms
Duration & Commitment
Short & Long Term
LAT relationships can be brief or last several years.
Transitions
Some LAT couples eventually move to cohabitation or marriage.
Indefinite Arrangement
Others maintain separate residences indefinitely.
Living Apart Together
Challenges
Living Apart Together couples and partners face multiple challenges.
Logistical & Financial
Managing two households can be complex and economically challenging.
Societal Perceptions
LAT couples and partners may face societal judgment or misunderstanding, particularly the younger generations.
Physical Intimacy
Physical distance requires effort to sustain emotional closeness.
The Big Picture
Key Research Findings
Sources: Journal of Marriage and Family, Sociological Review, and the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
Emotional Support
Journal of Marriage and Family study found LAT couples have similar levels of emotional support as cohabiting couples.
Companionship
LAT relationships provide strong companionship and emotional intimacy.
Balancing Act
Sociological Review research indicated LAT balances personal autonomy with emotional closeness.
The Invisible Orientation
Myths About Living Apart Together
There are several myths and misconceptions about living apart together that can lead to misunderstandings and stigma. It’s important to dispel these myths to foster a better understanding of LAT as a valid relationship structure.
Myth 1: LAT Relationships Are Not Serious
Reality: LAT relationships can be just as committed and serious as cohabiting or married relationships. The choice to live apart is often based on practical considerations like career demands, personal space, or prior negative experiences with cohabitation, not a lack of commitment.
Myth 2: LAT Is Just a Step Towards Cohabitation or Marriage
Reality: While some LAT couples may eventually choose to cohabit or marry, many are content with their arrangement and have no intention of changing it. LAT is a deliberate choice for many, providing a balance between independence and intimacy.
Myth 3: LAT Relationships Lack Intimacy and Connection
Reality: LAT couples often report high levels of emotional closeness and satisfaction. Regular communication, planned visits, and shared activities help maintain strong bonds. The physical distance can even enhance appreciation for the time spent together.
Myth 4: LAT Is Only for Young or Elderly Couples
Reality: LAT relationships span all age groups. Young adults may choose LAT due to career or educational pursuits, while older adults might prefer it for maintaining independence. Middle-aged couples also find LAT beneficial for balancing family responsibilities and personal space.
Myth 5: LAT Relationships Are a Sign of Relationship Problems
Reality: Choosing to live apart does not indicate problems in the relationship. For many, LAT is a proactive choice to enhance the quality of their relationship by reducing daily conflicts and preserving individual autonomy.
Myth 6: LAT Is Not Socially Acceptable
Reality: While traditional cohabitation and marriage are more widely recognized, LAT relationships are increasingly accepted and understood. Society’s views on relationship norms are evolving, and non-traditional arrangements like LAT are becoming more common and respected.
Myth 7: LAT Is Financially Impractical
Reality: While maintaining two households can be more expensive, many LAT couples find ways to manage their finances effectively. For some, the benefits of personal space and reduced domestic stress outweigh the additional costs.
Myth 8: LAT Is a Modern Trend
Reality: The concept of living apart while being in a committed relationship is not new. Historical examples and various cultures have long recognized and practiced forms of LAT, even if they were not labeled as such.
Myth 9: LAT Couples Are More Likely to Break Up
Reality: Research shows that LAT relationships can be stable and long-lasting. The choice to live apart is often based on thoughtful consideration and mutual agreement, which can strengthen the relationship’s foundation.
Myth 10: LAT Is Only for People with Previous Negative Experiences
Reality: While some individuals may choose LAT to avoid repeating past negative experiences with cohabitation or marriage, many enter LAT relationships for positive reasons such as personal growth, career opportunities, or simply a preference for maintaining separate homes.
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