North Texas
Mixed-Orientation Marriage Counseling
Supporting couples in mixed-orientation marriages as they navigate grief, explore options, and make decisions about their future together.
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Asexual-Allosexual
9 Types of Mixed Orientation Marriages
Gay/Lesbian with Hetero Partner
This may be a relationship that began when both identified as straight, with one partner later realizing or coming out as gay or lesbian.
Bisexual with Gay or Hetero Partner
The bisexual partner is in a same-sex relationship, but their attraction extends beyond the gender of their partner.
Asexual with an Allosexual Partner
One partner identifies as asexual, while the other partner may be heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or another orientation and may want a sexual relationship (allosexual).
Queer or Non-Binary with Hetero or Partner
In this case, the queer or non-binary partner may not fit into a binary gender category. This dynamic can lead to explorations of gender expression, identity, and attraction.
Fluid or Evolving Sexual Orientation
In some relationships, one partner’s sexual orientation may evolve or shift during the course of the relationship. For instance, someone who identified as heterosexual at the start of the relationship may realize they are gay or bisexual later on.
Open or Poly Mixed-Orientation
Some mixed-orientation couples choose to pursue an open or polyamorous relationship structure, where each partner has the freedom to explore their sexual or romantic needs with others while maintaining their primary relationship.
Religious and Cultural Considerations
In some cases, one partner may suppress or deny their sexual orientation due to religious or cultural pressures. Mixed-orientation relationships in these situations can be emotionally complex, as one partner might feel torn between their identity and external expectations.
Closeted Mixed-Orientation Relationships
One partner may not be fully open about their sexual orientation, either to their partner, their family, or the wider community. These relationships often involve navigating the complexities of secrecy, shame, or fear, which can strain emotional intimacy.
Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Differences
In these relationships, one partner may identify as cisgender while the other partner is transgender or gender non-conforming. The sexual orientation of both partners can differ or evolve in relation to their gender identity.
Sage Finch Counseling
For the Shocked Spouse or Partner
(Whether this has been a complete shock or you secretly suspected, it’s really a difficult situation).
Initial Shock and Emotional Whiplash
Discovering that your partner is not hetero can feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you. It’s a shock to your sense of security in the relationship and may bring up intense emotions like betrayal, confusion, anger, or sadness.
Feelings of Betrayal and Mistrust
It’s common to feel a sense of betrayal, even if your partner has not acted on their orientation outside the relationship. You might feel as though you’ve been deceived, leading to mistrust not only of your partner but also of your own judgment.
Grieving the Loss of What You Knew
This revelation may trigger a grieving process as you begin to mourn the relationship as you once knew it. You might grieve the future you had envisioned—one built on shared expectations of love, family, and a lifelong partnership.
Insecurity and Self-Doubt
It’s natural to internalize the news and wonder if your partner’s lack of attraction to your gender reflects something lacking in you. Questions like “Am I not enough?” or “Did I fail in some way?” may surface, leading to insecurity about your own desirability or self-worth.
Emotional Processing
As the shocked spouse, you may need time to process the many layers of emotions that come with this revelation. You need to be able to ask all your questions so that you can process the shock, confusion, and other feelings.
It might Feel like Infidelity
It’s common for the shocked spouse or partner to have an infidelity response and for the shock to cause PTSD, similar to infidelity. A therapist who specializes in mixed orientation relationships can often help.
Sage Finch Counseling
For the Partner who is Coming Out
(Coming out to your spouse or partner is often a two-person crisis, and both of you need and disserve help)
Internal Struggle and Identity Realization
You may have spent years coming to terms with your sexual orientation, possibly suppressing or ignoring it to fit into societal or familial expectations. This internal journey can be exhausting, filled with confusion, shame, or fear about how your partner will react if or when you share this truth.
Guilt & Fear
Once you share your identity with your partner, you might feel an intense sense of guilt, worrying about the hurt you may have caused. There’s often fear about what will happen to the relationship and whether it can survive this revelation.
Desire for Authenticity
Despite the challenges, you may feel an undeniable need to live authentically, to embrace your sexual orientation in a way that feels true to who you are. This can lead to feelings of liberation or relief, but it’s often mixed with grief over the possibility that the relationship may need to change drastically or even end.
Pressure to Make Compromises
Depending on your partner’s response, you may feel pressure to suppress your sexual orientation further to “save” the relationship. This might include staying in a monogamous relationship that doesn’t fully satisfy your identity or desires.
Hope for Liberation and Self-Discovery
Coming out in a mixed-orientation relationship can feel like a step toward personal liberation. You may hope that being honest about your sexuality will lead to a more authentic life, whether that means redefining your relationship or pursuing new relationships that align with your identity.
Fear of Losing the Relationship
there may be deep fear about the possibility of losing a relationship that still holds love, companionship, and history. The thought of breaking up or seeing your partner suffer because of your identity can be heart-wrenching.
We also help with anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, and other struggles that everyone deals with at some point (some more than others).
Sage Finch Counseling
Finding a Path Forward
Figuring out if you want to stay together, if so, what does that look like, and if not, parting ways in a healthy manner
Mutual Decision-Making
Ultimately, the future of the relationship will be shaped by how you both handle these revelations. Some couples choose to stay together and work through the challenges, whether by opening the relationship or redefining intimacy. Others may decide that the best path forward is to part ways, allowing each person to pursue a life that feels more aligned with their authentic selves.
Compassion for Each Other
No matter what path you choose, approaching the situation with compassion and empathy for one another’s emotional journey can be key to finding peace. Both partners are likely experiencing grief, confusion, and loss, and extending kindness during this difficult time can help ease the transition, whether you stay together or not.
Considering Openness or Polyamory
Some mixed-orientation couples explore non-monogamy as a way to meet both partners’ needs. This decision can bring hope but also requires deep trust, clear boundaries, and honest communication. The couple must navigate feelings of jealousy, insecurity, or fear of losing one another while determining whether this model can work.
Choosing to Stay Monogamous
For others, the decision may be to remain monogamous, focusing on emotional intimacy over sexual fulfillment. This choice often involves redefining what intimacy and partnership look like, requiring ongoing discussions about how each partner’s needs will be met moving forward.
Saying Goodbye
The painful process of going your separate ways can be made a bit better through therapy. We have a process of saying goodbye that is both painful and healing, helping you part ways on a good note so each of you can step into your futures.
Parenting Decisions
For couples with children, decision-making becomes even more complex, as you must consider how your choices will affect your family. You might discuss whether it’s best to remain co-parents while redefining your romantic relationship or how to explain the evolving family dynamics to your children.
Future Planning
The couple may also need to re-examine long-term goals like financial planning, living arrangements, or shared responsibilities. These discussions often reveal how much the couple values their shared life, even as the relationship undergoes transformation.
Facilitating Open Conversations
The painful process of going your separate ways can be made a bit better through therapy. We have a process of saying goodbye that is both painful and healing, helping you part ways on a good note so each of you can step into your futures.
Plano Mixed Orientation Marriage Counseling FAQs
How does this work? Do we come together or do you see us individually?
When working with mixed orientation relationships, we begin by meeting together with both partners to establish a collective understanding and set the stage for our work. This initial group session allows everyone to voice their perspectives and concerns in a shared setting.
Following this, I will meet with each of you individually. These one-on-one sessions are crucial for delving into personal feelings, experiences, and goals in a private and focused environment.
After these individual sessions, we will reconvene as a group. This allows us to integrate the insights gained from individual exploration and collaboratively develop joint goals.
This process ensures that the therapy is tailored to the wants and needs of everyone involved, respecting each person’s individuality while also nurturing the collective dynamics of the relationship.
What should we expect in mixed orientation marriage therapy?
In mixed orientation relationship therapy, you can expect a supportive and open environment that respects the unique dynamics of your relationship(s).
In many cases, one spouse has just come out to the other, and even though this is a two-person crisis, we will probably focus on the shocked spouse/partner first. The therapy sessions promote understanding, communication, healing, and growth for both of you.
We’ll explore the challenges you may be facing together and individually, redefining your relationship and finding a path forward in a way that works for each of you.
In some cases, couples work through the process of splitting up using Imago’s Goodbye Process, which is both painful and healing.
Can therapy help us transition from monogamy to non-monogamy?
Absolutely, therapy can be an invaluable resource when transitioning from a monogamous to a non-monogamous relationship.
This significant shift involves navigating new emotional landscapes, redefining rules and boundaries, and establishing open lines of communication.
In therapy, you can explore your motivations, fears, and expectations for moving towards non-monogamy, ensuring this transition aligns with your values and relationship goals. It also provides a safe space to address any concerns or insecurities that arise during this transition.
Together with your therapist, you can develop strategies for managing potential challenges, such as jealousy or miscommunication, and build a solid foundation based on trust and mutual understanding.
Whether you are taking this step alone or with a partner, therapy can guide you through this transformative journey.
What if one partner wants an open relationship and the other does not?
When one partner desires monogamy while the other prefers a non-monogamous arrangement, it presents a complex and sensitive situation that requires careful navigation. In therapy, we provide a neutral and supportive space to explore these differing desires openly and respectfully. The goal is to understand each partner’s perspective, underlying feelings, and needs. We’ll discuss the reasons behind each partner’s preference, exploring their emotional implications and potential impacts on the relationship.
Therapy can help in identifying common ground and possible compromises, or in some cases, it might involve acknowledging and respecting fundamental differences. We work towards finding solutions that honor both partners’ needs and boundaries, whether it’s through negotiation, redefining the relationship structure, or finding other creative solutions.
The primary focus is on ensuring that both partners feel heard, valued, and that any decision made is consensual and mutually satisfying.
COLLIN COUNTY TEXAS
Take the First Step
Frisco LGBTQ+ therapy: A dedicated space for healing and growth in Plano, Texas (just south of Frisco).
Sage Finch Counseling
8105 Rasor Blvd, Suite 225
Plano, TX 75024
We see clients in-person and online from our Plano, Texas office. Most of our clients come from Collin County and surrounding areas:
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Request a Free 15-Minute Consultation
* By clicking Submit, you permit us to contact you by email, phone, or text. Don’t worry – we won’t send you junk. It’s just to schedule a consultation and see if we can help you!